It seems like our good friends the vegetarians and other be-kind-to-the-earth-and-all-of-its-creatures types aren’t content to just sit and munch their tofu and feel supercilious because they recycle more than you and I. They’ve taken their quest for preservation of renewable resources out of the playground and into the bedroom.
Wait! Preservation of renewable resources? You thought if they were renewable they didn’t really need to be preserved because, well, they’re renewable. Right? You’re obviously overthinking here, which proves you’re not a vegetarian.
Eco-friendly sex. It’s the next new thing.
Other ways of “greenwashing” the bedroom, as outlined by TreeHugger and Greenpeace, include turning out the lights, not buying PVC or vinyl accoutrements, ensuring S&M paddles are made from sustainably harvested timber, using organic massage oils, showering together, using bamboo bed sheets (they come from a rapidly renewable resource and are said to be “super sexy”), and wearing lingerie made with renewable fibres such as hemp (Enamore), bamboo (Butta) and other organic goodness (GreenKnickers, Buenostyle, Peau Ethique).
Well, at least all my S&M paddles are made of sustainably harvested timber. It may take me a while to make the move into bamboo bed sheets, however. And here all this time I thought my cotton sheets came from a renewable resource. I guess that shows just how little I know.
One of the recommendations that I’m sure goes well heeded is the one about turning out the lights. I don’t think saving electricity is the only reason these folks like their intimate moments in the pitch dark. Here is a site dedicated to naked vegetarians. Beware: there is nudity, it’s not particularly sexy but it’s totally obscene. You’ve probably known for a while that vegetarians aren’t all that smart. Well, as you will see, many are not all that thin either. If anyone ever tells you that a vegetarian diet will make you thin, send them to this site and have them navigate through the pics of some of these models. If you decide to take a quick look yourself, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Quick, someone, get me a big chunk of prime rib, medium rare.