February 14

What the Brits think of Beckham's going Hollywood

7  comments

In catching up on my back issues of my favorite UK rag, The Spectator, I came across this paragraph by Piers Morgan, who writes the Diary section. He discusses the move of soccer player and husband of Posh Spice David Beckham’s move to the US.

Why is anybody surprised that David Beckham has gone to Hollywood? He’s an ageing, waning, footballing clothes-horse who has always been more attracted to the glitz and glamour of celebrity than the hard graft of a rainy night in Wigan. Now he’s going to be paid £500,000 a week to be top dog in a league of useless one-footed mongrels, and spend the rest of his time on Malibu beach with his mate, Tom Cruise. Life can’t get much better than that for an inarticulate, ill-educated Essex boy. And there’s always the chance that Mrs Beckham might actually learn to smile. After all, as John Updike wrote: ‘America is a vast conspiracy to make you happy.’ I worked in Los Angeles all last summer as a judge on an NBC talent show (think Simon Cowell without the looks, brains or wit) and I loved it. The sun shines, the people are friendly, the food’s good, and they absolutely adore Brits. The Hollywood crowd are also a bunch of teetotal, vain, paranoid, bitchy, cosmetically enhanced health freaks. So one way or another Victoria should feel at home.


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  1. Probably all true, but my 8 yo son is over the moon that Beckham is coming here (kind of reminds me of little girls mooning over Posh a few years ago). My husband is a bit more cool about it, but as a former Brit and a huge football/soccer fan, I think anything that promotes the game in the US makes him happy.
    We live withing driving distance of Lost Angeles, oops, I mean LA. I think it’s a sure bet that at least the two football hooligans (aka soccer fans) in my family will attend a few games. I’ll probably go along to be a good sport (with some knitting or a good book).
    Amusing story: my husband was at Disneyland about 6 years go and overheard a little girl excitedly pointing out the “Spice Girl’s flag” to her friend. It was a Union Jack!
    Anna
    Hi Anna–
    Enjoy your soccer game. You couldn’t drag me to one – with or without Beckham – with a team of horses. Uh, wait a minute…maybe I’m acting too hastily.  Can you bet on soccer?

    Cheers–
    MRE

  2. Hi Dr Mike, please, please do think that one man can speak for over 60 million British people, especially when that person is Piers Morgan. Morgan recently lost his job as editor of The Mirror, over the publication of faked images depicting the abuse of Iraqi prisoners by British soldiers. The Mirror is one of those papers who thrives on pictures of semi-naked young girls and stories of celebrities in various states of drunkenness/dishevelment/etc…it also thrives on themes of crude nationalism under the guise of patriotism. One rather good satirical magazine in the UK refers to him as ‘Piers Moron’. May I humbly ask you to perhaps reconsider the strapline above this post! Kind Regards.
    PS. Great site.
    Hi Chris–
    Thanks for the info.  I wonder if it’s the same guy?  The Spectator is a pretty high-brow rag, and it seems unlikely that they would employ a swine like you describe. Could there be two Piers Morgans?

    Cheers–
    MRE 

  3. Sounds like they’re a bit jealous of all the money he is receiving. There are few among us that would turn down $25 million per year to kick a ball around. I hate soccer and I’d do it for 1/100 that much.
    Hi Scott–
    I don’t know about the jealousy, but I would certainly kick a ball around for $25 million per year. 
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  4. Most Brits are totally uninterested (even soccer fans)to be frank, its the media that are interested in the amount of coverage they can get out of them.
    Hi Neil–
    I’m sure you’re right.  Same here with American football.  It is a hugely popular sport, but I would guess that the vast majority of people couldn’t care less about it.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  5. You would think that with the money that Victoria and David Beckham have they’d be able to buy her a better pair of fake boobs. Then again, they seem to have one of the more successful celebrity marriages; they’ve been together eight or nine years which is an eternity among their set.
    Hi Patricia–
    I’ll have to take your word about Victoria’s fake boobs.  I wouldn’t know her if she walked up and kissed me.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  6. You said, “You couldn’t drag me to one – with or without Beckham – with a team of horses. Uh, wait a minute…maybe I’m acting too hastily. Can you bet on soccer?”
    Is there anything one *cannot* bet on if one is driven to do so? Despite my husband’s intense interest in UK & internat’l football, he has never mentioned the betting aspect, probably because he has a strong distate for any gambling (his family was broken up when he was 11 largely due to his father’s horserace gambling). But gambling is a popular pasttime in the UK (there seems to be a betting parlor aptly named Ladbrokes on just about every corner).
    Two quick google searches came up with oodles of UK & US online soccer/football betting opportunities, so it’s just a click or two away.
    And I even found off-field odds for Beckham, for things like if he will get a DUI, divorce Victoria and marry Paris Hilton, and other silly stuff. I’m sure odds are great that you’ll find the Beckham bet of your gambling dreams. 🙂
    Cheers,
    Anna
    Hi Anna– 
    Well, if that’s the case, count me in.  Maybe we can meet at LA for a match; your husband can school me on the finer points of the game (or on the totality of the game since I know absolutely nothing about it).  Then, since I’ll be matching betting wits with other Yanks who know very little about the game, I’ll have an edge.
    And, you can bring home-made, organic snacks. 
    Cheers–
    MRE 

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