March 22

An unusual place to hide valuables

20  comments

Since I’m on a roll with blog posts on rectal anatomy and rectal function and cosmic pizza grease, I may as well add one more to the list. It’s the last for a while, I promise.
A few years ago MD and I had our house in Boulder burglarized while we were out of town. It was a devastating experience. We didn’t have an alarm system and we didn’t have a safe. The thieves went through everything we had, dumping every single drawer, pulling all the clothes out of the closets, and opening every cabinet. But it wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. The mish mash of stuff they took was pretty interesting, giving a kind of insight into a thief’s mind. For example, they took a leather-bound photo album full of pictures of our eldest son’s wedding worth maybe a hundred bucks and left an piece of ancient pottery right next to it worth many thousands of dollars.
The entire experience scarred me so that now I’m much more security conscious and spend some time on the internet looking for security devices and safe places to put valuables without having to go to all the trouble and expense of buying and installing a safe. In one of my searches I came upon the following underwear/brief ‘safe.’
brief_diversion_safe.jpgAt first I thought it was a joke. But, no, it is a legitimate company selling all kinds of quirky faux products called ‘diversion safes’ in which to hide small valuables.
Says the ad accompanying the picture:

The “Underwear / Brief Safe” is an innovative diversion safe that can secure your cash, documents, and other small valuables from inquisitive eyes and thieving hands, both at home and when you’re traveling. Items can be hidden right under their noses with these specially-designed briefs which contain a fly-accessed 4″ x 10″ secret compartment with Velcro closure and “special markings” on the lower rear portion. Leave the “Underwear / Brief Safe” in plain view in your laundry basket or washing machine at home, or in your suitcase in a hotel room – even the most hardened burglar or most curious snoop will “skid” to a screeching halt as soon as they see them. (Wouldn’t you?) Made in USA. One size. Color: white (and brown).

They’re right, I suppose. We’re I a thief and stumbled across these briefs in the course of my burglary, I would be ‘diverted.’ I doubt that would spend a whole lot of time pawing through them looking for loose change.
Nor would I have them in my house. I would rather be robbed again that worry that a house guest or a workman might come across them and assume they were mine.
But that’s just me. If you would like to have such a ‘safe’ for your belongings, you may be able to kill two birds with one stone. Simply perform the orlistat detox program I posted on a couple of days ago, and I’m pretty sure you will end up with one or two of such safes without having to spend the $24.95. It could be a combined detox/do-it-yourself safe-making project.
If you decide to give it a try, keep me posted on the outcome.


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  1. Funny old world..when in Africa(3 years) and much of it was living in a tent i would often conceal money in undies that didn’t look clean for that self same reason.
    C’mon Simon, out with it.  Are you the brains behind this particular ‘diversion safe’ idea?
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  2. Now this gave me a giggle, although I’m glad I ate my lunch BEFORE I checked your blog today!! 😉
    Hi Char–
    I’m glad you ate first, too.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  3. Whew! I am very relieved to read that the goods are being stashed in underwear. After the the last few posts I was worrying that people were using another place to hide things. While I’m sure no one would think to check there for money, I’m not so sure it would be very spendable either.

  4. Interesting product! If you get a chance check out a show on the Discovery Channel “It Takes A Thief.” They get people to let them break into there homes and record the whole thing. Later they give them a security upgrade. Really interesting stuff.

  5. My grandmother hid her valuables in her garbage cans. She put her jewelry in a small zipper purse. Placed a folded trash bag over it and then put her trash can liner over that.
    I always thought it was a clever hiding place, provided you live alone and there’s no chance someone might accidentally discard your treasures.
    My mother hid stuff in the baseboard heating units near the regulator valve.

  6. Just finished an unusual book out last January written by a Cleveland Clinic retired clinician titled “Prevent and Reverse Heart Disease”. It’s based on a “20 year study” and states his case for a meatless, fat free diet.
    Would love your comments on Dr. Esselstyn’s reasoning.
    Any new books in your future ?
    Hi Tom–
    Nope, I haven’t read it.  It’s endorsed by Dean Ornish and T. Colin Campbell, which tells me most of what I need to know about it.  And, nope, we don’t have a book in the works right now.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  7. Sir you are a sleuth par excellence.
    I’m not only the brains behind the co. but the arse as well.
    Infact as we ‘speak’ i am negotiating a world wide deal with Olestra whereby one will find a pair of said undies in a packet of their crisps or chips at you New Worlders call them.
    Probs is they seem to forget that is someone has the nerve to break into a anothers hoose at whatever time i would think they might not be put off by a pair of skidded ‘grundies’

  8. Mike~
    You crack me up. I love your humour.
    ~Patty
    Hi Patty–
    As MD would say: you’re lucky you don’t have to live with it all the time.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  9. The two things which seem to work for me are switches that automatically turn on lights at predefined intervals throughout the day and a ign that says “Secured by ADT”. I think the most important thing you can do is discourage them from entering your home in the first place. You can by the security signs on the internet.
    On a side note, some people have claimed that lots diet drinks (2 Liters plus) that contain citric acid can kick you out of ketosis. Apparently citric acid interferes with the Krebs cycle in some way and tells your body you have glucose in the blood, thereby ending ketosis. True?
    Thanks a lot!
    Hi Freddy–
    I’ve never heard the bit about citric acid kicking one out of ketosis.  I don’t think that interfering with the Krebs cycle would have much to do with that anyway.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  10. A rather less unsavory (cough) but maybe less amusing “safe” is sold by a Canadian company called Ashton Green.
    The safe comes in the form of common objects, hollow hardcover books, (with book jackets of real books), scouring powder cannisters (with real brand names), candles etc.
    Hidden underneath your sink amongst the rest of the cleaning products and in a well stocked library it would be difficult for a thief to find. This is especially true if also use an alarm system connected to a central monitoring system. While alarm systems don’t prevent theft all that much, what they do prevent are thieves from spending too much time raking through your stuff. They simply don’t have the time.
    Hi Angelyne–
    If you click on the link for company that makes the Brief Safe, you’ll find that it has all these cleaning product and book safes as well.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  11. That is SO incredibly hilarious! I can’t believe what some people will think of. We had our house broken into many years ago also so I know all the feelings and emotions that you and MD had and went through. BUT, like you, I would never buy these anti theft devices. Thanks for the laugh Dr. Mike.

  12. From time to time I’ve hidden stuff (in ziploc bags) in the cat’s litter box. Figured very few people would paw thru there (pun unintended).
    I certainly wouldn’t.  I wouldn’t even burgle a house if I thought there was a cat in it.  I’m too allergic to them.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  13. thanks, all, for the tips. I’ll be checking your skivies, products under the sink, trash cans, and baseboard heating units on all my future B and E’s………
    Hmmm.  I wonder how many skid-marked skivies you’ll have to paw through to find the one with money?
    Good luck.
    MRE 

  14. Dr Mike
    I am very worried about my weight. Last fall I lost weight on a low fat diet until I reached 140 pounds (5’9 male). The problem was my ribs were visible as was my collar bone and I felt bony all over, yet I was still flabby. I have determined I must have lost lean body mass. After gaining some weight back I am now on a very low carb diet and am wondering if more protein will increase lean body mass. Additionally, was is the lowest daily caloric intake for someone trying to lose weight and gain body mass?
    Thanks a lot
    Hi Freddy–
    I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.  I’m pretty sure that you have lost lean body mass.  The best way to put on lean body mass is to eat meat.   You need to get at least 8-12 grams of leucine per day.  Leucine is an amino acid that more or less coordinates the synthesis of lean body mass, and about 8-12 grams per day is required to do it.  Meat protein is about 8 percent leucine, so you need to eat at least 100 grams of meat per day (about 14 ounces) to get the minimum 8 grams of leucine.  Whey protein isolate has more leucine–about 13 percent–so if you want to have a shake with whey protein isolate, that will boost your leucine as well.
    If you eat a low-carb diet with plenty of meat, you should lose fat and gain lean mass without having to worry about calories.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  15. when travelling back from Africa through Morocco into Spain i hitched a lift with some..how shall we put this..drug sellers.
    Anyways they had bought from some UK co beer can safes whose tops opened with a glass insert, surrounded by a sealed liquid portion, for carrying whatever it was one wanted to.They had quite a few of these.

  16. OMG, Dr. Mike! You have really hit the skids now! Love your blog but this one was hysterical, the absolute tops.
    Barb
    Hahahahahahaha! 

  17. Does anyone please have any idea who much Olestra is contained in lays Light Chiops please.
    Since Dr Eades post about it the other day i was curious and i canny find it.
    Any pointers would be helpful as the Lays sites i’ve seen are not helpful at all !
    Sinc
    Supachramp at yahoo.com

  18. An ounce of potato chips (about 18) made with olestra, for example, has no fat and just 75 calories (all from the potato), compared to 10 grams of fat and 150 calories in an ounce of regular chips.
    So would this mean folks that as Olestra is a fat substitute, if i’ve understood correctly, then roughly 18 chips would have the self same 10gms of Olestra, please ?
    supachramp at yahoo.com
    thanks much
    Hi Simon–
    I’ve done a bit of mucking around in the medical literature on your behalf.  I can’t find anything that tells me specifically how much olestra is in the Lay’s chips, or anything else for that matter.  I went to the store and looked at a bag of them.  The label has a box comparing the olestra version to the regular version, and says that an ounce of the regular chips contains about 10 grams of fat while the olestra version contains none.  Looking at the ingredients, it appears that the olestra is the only difference.  Based on this I would say that an ounce of chips (about 20 according to the bag) contains about 10 grams of olestra.
    I’ll keep looking to see if I can find anything more specific.  If anyone out there knows, let us know.
    Thanks–
    MRE 

  19. Ewww!!!
    I’ve had my home broken into 4 times, and I agree, it’s weird what they take. One took a VCR, but didn’t take the remote (wired kind). Another only took my cable box!!
    I now have a security system installed!
    Hi Cindy–
    We, too, have a security system.  Let’s hope that stops it for all of us.
    Cheers–
    MRE 

  20. Hi, Dr. Mike,
    Relative to Freddy’s post #14: wouldn’t 100 grams of meat be closer to 3.5 ounces than 14 oz. of meat? Not that I’d complain about eating more–just for the sake of accuracy.
    Barb
    Hi Barb–
    100 grams of meat is 3.5 ounces.  But I was talking about meat in terms of grams of protein per ounce.  One ounce of meat contains about 7 grams of protein, and leucine makes up about 8 percent of meat protein, so to get at least 8 grams of leucine, one would have to eat 100 grams of meat protein.  So, if an ounce contains 7 grams, you would divide 7 into 100 giving you about 14, which is the number of ounces of meat that would contain 8 grams of leucine.
    Clear as mud, right?
    Cheers–
    MRE 

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