injury, binge eating, help?

[blueriversam]

My mountain bike racing was going extremely well and I was training a lot. At the mean time, I lost my funding as a grad student and the only job that I could get was training horses. I knew this was a toss up because I don't really enjoy training them anymore (takes the fun out of it) and I didn't know if my back could handle it due to a back injury I endured 10 years ago when I rode competitively. But I needed a job and my back had felt great with once a week riding, so why not try it? Long story short, my back went out again, so I was on and off the bike and running for much of the summer. I skipped some races, but I thought if I rested more, I'd get better faster. I couldn't work, either, and I was stressed beyond belief. My boss asked me to teach some lessons for a day and I thought, what the hell, it will be easy, I will be standing around a lot, but not doing anything but watching. I had a group of 7 year old girls and some ponies were tied up outside for grooming. One of the ponies went nuts because of a big fly on his back, the little girl was screaming, so I ran over to untie him and he basically flung himself into me, I slipped and twisted my ankle in an odd way.

I was in a cam walker for 2 months and just got out and started PT, but they still don't know if it will require surgery. I can walk now and the braces didn't really help for the muscle I tore, so it's taped up and that really helps, but I'm still pretty limpy and if I make any quick moves on the bike, I can really mess it up again, so I'm staying away from mtb. On top of everything, my back has really gone out of whack since I've started a light exercise program again, which includes light road biking, spinning, and a little pilates. I am still unemployed, but I had a few interviews this week. In any case, from all of the stress and BOREDOM, I have been eating and eating and eating. I gained 13 lbs and I can no longer fit into most of my clothes, its' awful!!! I'm at my personal heaviest. I was 150 during the summer, still not ideal but pretty muscular and fit, and now I am 163 (same doctor's scale). I can't afford new clothes.

So, here I am. I am planning to restart this plan, and I know I do best when I am well mentally prepared, so I want to give myself some time to read through everything and get psyched about it and not stress about throwing out food or having to buy new food.

I guess I'm kind of just rambling here, but it would be nice to hear from others... especially about compulsive eating--I've always had eating disorders and I've read soooo much about it, been in therapy, and nothing's really worked, so I am trying to see if I can live with the disorder somehow, not try to quit it... I'm really just not sure how to deal with it, even after all of this education about it! Previously, on the plan, I would binge on cheese and fatty meats, I'd like to avoid that because I think it didn't help at all.

Thanks so much!!! It's good to be back and I'm catching up!

[gitfiddle]

So, here I am. I am planning to restart this plan, and I know I do best when I am well mentally prepared, so I want to give myself some time to read through everything and get psyched about it and not stress about throwing out food or having to buy new food.
Hi, Sam! I'm glad to hear from you because you've been on my mind lately. :) Sorry about the rotten luck you've been having.

I'm also a compulsive eater, although it usually leaves me alone unless the world gets out of my control. It's better without sweets of any kind, even artificial, and no grain. Cheese is easily overdone, too. Nuts are borderline. They're my distant early warning system.

It's hard to start exercising with baby steps, but that's the best way.

Keep posting! Get a journal (did you have one before?).

[laughingW]

Hey blueriversam, you are on the right track and are probably closer than you think to feeling good again. A lot of that bummed feeling can be from what you're eating, as well as the stress and boredom.

I've had eating disorders too. In all your therapy and education, did you run across the info on endorphin upregulation? When I read your story I thought immediately that you would be in endorphin withdrawal from not being able to mtb train at your previous level, besides being whacked out by ankle and back pain (and pain meds?), all of which perturb the endorphin system.

Anyway, had you been self-medicating with an mtb runner's high? If so there are things you can do to replace the feeling even if you can't mtb right now.

[blueriversam]

Thanks! LW: I am sort of familiar with what you are talking about... with the initial back and ankle pain, it was impossible for me to deal without pain killers. Fortunately, they made me so sick that I preferred the pain, so it was easy to get rid of those. But yeah, I'm pretty sure a large part of my eating and boredom is due to endorphin withdrawal. I didn't think of it in that way until now. My Physical Therapist has helped me to find something that I *can* do and even sort of enjoy--swimming! There is a county pool, brand new, just down the road from me.

An additional problem is that I've been unemployed and out of work to do. I have been spending hours and hours trying to find a job, and every rejection just shoots me right back to fear and anxiety, and it almost paralyzes me from continuing the job hunt, or even paying bills... it's just a really rough time right now, I never thought that a PhD educated person could be put into this position!