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Billie
05-23-2006, 06:51 AM
"Give yourself permission to say 'No.'"

Meditation for Women

Women especially, although I know some wonderful men who have this same problem...it is okay to say "No"!

We have either been trained or taken it on as our mantra that many of us have had to say yes to our life--all our lives! "Would you like some more to eat", Yes we say many times obligatory (:confused: ) "would you mind doing this or that for me?" Yes we say. "Would you mind driving the car pool today" Yes we say.

Why is it so very hard to say the word no. If that word isn't in your vocabulary yet, get it in there. The first few times--like the first 100 or so :D , saying no almost gets stuck in your throat and you think if I say no what will they do! Well you know what, they will do just fine!

It's all about setting your boundaries I imagine. Of giving yourself the space and the personal freedom, that certainly you have a right to and need. It is losing the thoughts of being selfish if you say no, it is about taking care of yourself.

When I was raising my kids I heard a radio show I remember driving in the car. It was tough back then and I thought without a father in the picture, I had to be super mom. Baloney now I think, I had to be mom and I had to be me. But this talk show went on about how saying no, at that time, the words, loving them enough to say no were used alot, was really about saying I love myself and I love you too.

If you are a yes person, and I still am to some degree but certainly very aware of it and very trying to keep my boundaries and my needs in my life, then start trying to keep that word ready and most importantly realize it is okay to say no, it really really is!


Have a great day!

SherryJ
05-23-2006, 10:15 AM
"No", when used correctly, is empowering, isn't it!? ;)

I'm watching a dear GF of mine go through some insane situations due to her NOT saying no... and, yet, if there's one phrase that I associate with her, it's "You've GOT to set boundaries, and stick to them!" :rolleyes: It's quite interesting, but she won't be open to listening for another 4 months or so...

As for the "Would you mind..." phrase, I've go to watch this at home! If I say this to Mr. Biggest, he frequently says, "No, thank you, Mama..." And, when I say something, he says, "You SAID do you mind, and I do..." ACK!!! That's what we get for having a kid such as him, LOL!:p Gotta love him...

Sherry

cmcole
05-23-2006, 10:18 AM
Great that he's so honest with himself now. Hope it sticks.

gitfiddle
05-23-2006, 10:18 AM
Billie, I'm also very aware and I have to take care to make time for myself. I used to be a "yes" person because all of that stuff sounded so interesting/uplifting/worthy (pick your own word). Now I know that too many committments, fun as they might be, erodes my value system that starts with my family.

SherryJ
05-23-2006, 10:26 AM
Oh, cm, I have no doubt that it will continue!

LOL, on the other hand, if I TELL him to do something, he's like, "Would you just ask, Mama?!?!?!" :rolleyes: :lol: :rolleyes:

If I live through these boys... :p

Sherry

gitfiddle
05-23-2006, 10:34 AM
Oh, Sherry! He's got your number! ;)

Billie
05-23-2006, 10:41 AM
But good for him for having the ability to research that in his brain, my mommy said, Would you mind and he has the ability to say no I do mind, thank you very much! That is great! And good lessons for all of us! My kids seem to have picked up on it quite well!!;)

Saying no and meaning no is really a talent for many people, how many times do we say yes and really want to say no, or mean no?

SherryJ
05-23-2006, 10:50 AM
Oh, Sherry! He's got your number!
Only in his mind, my dear, only in his mind! :D As long as he knows I'm still in charge... :p (Which, ultimately, he does... and, then other times, it's "Can I ask Daddy about this???")

Billie, it's taken me 40+ years to be able to say no... and, thanks to Mr. Wonderful, it's usually done with grace and diplomacy. If I'm not sure, I will say, "Let me think about it" as opposed to a quick on-the-spot decision. I tell my boys, often, "Listen to Mama... I've been there!" Sometimes it helps, other times, they muddle through and learn the lesson the hard way... sigh... which, then, all I can do is hold them, and help them through... IF they can get the "no" thing down, it will especially help when it comes to girls in a few years!!! :eek: :paranoid: ;)

Sherry

Bonnie
05-23-2006, 12:39 PM
Isn't it amazing at age 2 the favorite word in the whole world is NO! Even when they mean yes. But after that, it becomes all about pleasing others and it becomes yes. Surely, we need to find a happy medium.

Bonnie

Billie
05-23-2006, 01:22 PM
Good point Bonnie, somewhere we all get a bit daft with the word no--it starts at two as you said, it may mean yes, but then as we get older it turns to yes when we really mean no! Humans are wierd!!!!:D

SherryJ
05-23-2006, 01:37 PM
LOL, at our house, no ALWAYS means no! And... I'm still waiting for those "yesses" to come along! :D

Sherry

Claudette
05-23-2006, 09:48 PM
Billie,
Great thought for today.
I am a "yes" person, but am learning to take care of me and part of that is learning to say "no".

Hugs,
Claudette