Changing habits...one habit at a time

[Gaelen]

I have a lot of bad habits. I procrastinate. I let piles of clutter overwhelm me when I'm too tired to sift through things. I bit my nails for decades (okay, seem to have that one under control.) ;)

I've done a lot of self-help programs and seminars over the years to help me manage stressful situations at home and at work, and I'm familiar with all the language. I just seem to fall down in applying the language of changing habits to myself. ;) This area of changing habits intrigues me...why, for instance, have I been successful in controlling and for all practical purposes stopping nail biting after 40 years, but I am still sifting through clutter on my coffee table? I found this explanation on the site "Change one habit, change your life" at http://www.changeonehabit.com/ and I think it has some merit.

"You're human, just like me. (At least I'm assuming you are. As far as I know, we're the only creatures on the planet that access the Internet.)

"And since you're human, you've got a habit you want to change. Maybe it's something you want to start doing, like exercising or meditating. Maybe it's something you want to stop doing, like playing video games or overeating. But no matter what it is, you've haven't gotten around to changing it yet. Something, or several things, are holding you back.

"Don't feel bad. At any given time, only about twenty percent of us are ready and able to successfully change a habit (emphasis: Gaelen.) Perhaps you don't have the time or energy, or haven't made the commitment to changing that habit yet. Perhaps you've tried before and failed, and you're afraid of failing again. Perhaps you just don't believe you can really do it."

Maybe Lynn Cutts, the life coach who runs this site, is on to something. Maybe for most of us, the odds are against changing habits most of the time, and there is only a small, short window of opportunity when we're really ready to make a difference in our lives. I'm not sure I buy this...but maybe. ;)

[Belfrybat]

This looks good, but not at $9.95 a month. Flylady is free and does pretty much the same thing both for exterior and interior "clutter". Her routines can be easily applied to things other than house cleaning.

[Gaelen]

BelfryBat, I wasn't suggesting subscribing to Cutts' site...
I'm more intrigued by the idea she tosses out that for many of us, there may be clearly defined windows of opportunity during which we can be very successful at building or changing a habit (and she describes those windows for free--time, energy, belief in success, etc.)

I do think we need to be mentally ready to change or build a new habit. And I do agree with Cutts--if we're not mentally ready to tackle applying or building a new habit, we'll eventually fail. As soon as time, energy or belief in our success is compromised, our efforts and our successes will fall off. Oh, we'll 'launch' just fine...but we'll crash and burn unless we're mentally ready to stick it out even when we're pressed for time, exhausted or feeling miserable.

[Bonnie]

This is a great challenge. The question is, of course, is which bad habit should I change or which new good habit should I try to instill. My first thought was to increase my cardio workouts to 5x a week. I am currently doing cardio 3-4x a week. But then I thought, I'm seeing progress on the exercise front, so maybe I should choose something else. After much internal debate, I have decided to schedule "me" time 3x a week to play with my fiber. I spin, crochet and knit, but somehow recently I never seem to have the time to enjoy it. So, I have decided to make appointments with myself for fiber just like my Y appointments.

Where am I in PP? :rolleyes: Good question. I suppose that I am in Phase I. I'm comfortable there. I have lost 21 pounds (this time around), and have another 20-25 pounds to go.

Bonnie

[Gaelen]

Bonnie, glad you like this challenge. Scheduling 'me' time is a popular habit to build/reinforce; it's part of building yourself up in order to make yourself steadier on plan. Make sure to drop into the positive steps thread in the challenges forum every once in awhile this month to get and give some positive reinforcement. ;)

[deirdra]

I periodically get the urge and energy to clean and purge, but it is hard to figure out how to trigger this urge myself. It seems the only time my clutter gets cleaned up is when I am procrastinating about doing something else.

I like the idea of working on one habit/problem at a time. Last year I decided I needed to take time for myself and took a relaxation course. This was the first self-help course I ever took; normally I just read books, although I still haven't read the book on procrastination that I bought in ~1982 ;). It covered breathing & relaxation exercises then got into mental relaxation. One day in the class the instructor handed out coloured adhesive dots. I'm a university professor, but the rest of the class was support staff from around campus, so it was interesting to hear what got their goats and who triggered their stress. They were also intrigued that profs have the same problems with administrators. After an hour of discussion, we were told what to do with the dots - put them above the doors of our trigger-people. Seeing your mark puts YOU in control, and you don't even have to put the dot there, just imagining it works as well. Needless to say, as I walked through the Admin building and past a couple of dept heads' offices, I saw a lot of dots! It is hard not to pass through the door smiling to yourself saying "you little twerp/VP, you probably don't even know you have dots above your door, or why!".

[Gaelen]

LOL, Deirdra...I can picture a few little 'dots' above office doors where I work, too. However, I think the more active method used by my co-workers is bowling night--once a week, bosses and worker bees alike go to an alley and bowl, and I can promise you, I imagined several study directors' faces on my head pins when I was on a team. Didn't help my score much, but it did help my state of mind. ;)

Personally, the only way I can handle building a new habit these days is changing one thing at a time. This is definitely an area where multi-tasking fails me miserably!