12/6 Something to think about

[Billie]

To be nobody but yourself- in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

- EE Cummings, poet

Becoming the person you want to be

Take a look at your priorities and your goals. Where did they come from? Are they the products of soul-searching, self-analysis, and careful planning? Or are they a reaction to pressures from other people?

Did you find them within yourself or within the pages of a magazine? The answers to these questions are important because they tell you if the person you're becoming is someone you want to be.

Here's another way to look at a goal: do you want it, or do you just think you should want it? It's not easy to follow your own direction in life. But it's more possible than you may think. Question everything. Every priority in your life needs to justify why it's there. If you can't come up with a good reason that actually comes from YOU, maybe it doesn't belong From Sparkspeople

For me I know losing the weight and getting healthy has to come from MY needs my wants. Sure the world influences me but it is an influencer not the bottom line. I think to be successful it has to come from your need and your desires. It can't be pressure from even a doctor or a spouse,

But coming here, finding the support, the friendship, the zany people:D , the answers sure does help!!!

[SherryJ]

It can't be pressure from even a doctor or a spouse Now! I know you weren't talking about HIM, Billie, but to have BOTH wrapped in ONE! :eek:

:D

I'm FINALLY happy with who I am! A long time coming, and yes, I still have to fight for it, but I too, have a marvelous line of support, not only including those here, but Mr. Wonderful!!! Don't get no bettuh! :D

Sherry

[Missy]

AT 40, I think I finally "got the hang" of this thinking..and I LOVE IT!!!! :D Thanks for reminding me that I'm in CHARGE! :D Damn it! :cool: :D

[hawk]

I'm still looking into who I am. Somedays I think I'm a stranger to my own life. I live so lacksdazical.."whatever..."
I have to think about it to even have the battle. Having a houseful of kids and foster kids for years made me everybody's mom. Last year the last one was gone. I turned around and said..."OK so now who am I??" "No excuses for anything any more. Get down to business and see what you come up with ...person inside of me. " It's time.

[cmcole]

When you're born, you're somebody's daughter
When you're married, you're somebody's wife
Then you have children, and you're somebody's mother

It's difficult for a woman to have their own identity under all those circumstances/labels.

by the way, ee cummings never used capital letters, especially when signing his name. I'm not even sure how much punctuation he used, but I'd have to look that up if I really wanted to know.

[Anniesnan]

Thanks for the thought provoking!

I'm here in the here and now for me!

Lots of people will (and have - I have more energy and feel happy taking care of myself) reap the benefits, but this is for me.

[Billie]

I think doing this for ourselves as the primary focus is the only way to be successful. Sure we all have friends or loved ones or doctors or good intentioned people that fill our lives, but they are not with us 24-7 so it has to be our grit and determination and drive to live our best lives. Thanks for all your thoughts, that is why this place is so wayyy cooool! :cool:

[maxlharris]

So, for the android take on this,

External definitions of the core self ultimately fail. I am the sum of my experiences, skills, interactions, history, genes, etc. Maybe I am the person I always wanted to be. I dunno. But, things from the outside cannot define this core, at least for me.

So, I was, and remain, my mother's first son. But I don't feel that this is really core to who I am now. That's not quite right. I don't feel that this label defines the core. I do feel that the emotions, experiences, lessons, etc that came from that relationship are important to the core me (the one who likes his parents in small doses), but the label of "son" is not me. Ditto "husband."

Likewise, all the personality tests and labels. I am who I am and these are ersatz attempts at understanding that person. I say ersatz because, despite being interverted, I have a love of a certain kind of external relationship, that I draw a lot of energy from and that is core to my happiness. But I am mostly an introvert.

The label fails because it isn't precise enough. But to be precise enough, for the whole spectrum of human experience, would be too unwieldy to be useful. It's the 42 words for snow thing. It's great for the people who take the time to know all 42 words for the different kinds of snow, but it's very hard to use for the people who don't, and what do you do if there is actually a 43rd type of snow, between type 16 and 34? I think there are more pieces of a person's core being than types of snow, and more shades of gray between the lines.

Ultimately, I feel pretty good about that core person. I worry, from time to time, that forces around are trying to commodify it. My first semester of my second year of business school was spent with a lot of fear about this. I can see a time when my work for the US Government is going to rekindle this worry. At least I hope it does, because its terribly conformist around here and to not worry would mean that the very thing cummings is talking about is in progress.


...a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else...

This is commodification. The world that makes everyone the same. And it's pervasive, invasive and evasive. Witness the fashion for Ugg boots, which might be the ugliest fashion trend since, well, the giant ties of the 70's. Who knows how they entered the zeitgeist, who knows why (the name is even ugg-ly). But they are here and they are back for winter.

Any rate, cummings is talking about holding onto that core you. The one you cannot put into words. The pieces that don't quite fit neatly into a myers-briggs type. You know it when you feel it.